The Psychology of Love, Control, and Trust: Why We Mistake Expectations for Cheating

Whenever we fall in love with someone, a strange kind of fear often takes root inside us—the fear of losing them, or the fear that they might cheat on us. We frequently judge a person's loyalty solely based on their small, everyday actions. We tend to think that they belong entirely to us, and that they should act precisely the way we want them to. However, reality doesn't work that way at all.

Let us understand this through a simple story. Once upon a time, there was a father who had a young child. The father often wished to shape his child into a good human being and keep him under his strict control. The child was simply doing the normal things that any child does. Now, if an ordinary father looks at that child without any desire to control him, the child's behavior will seem completely normal. But a father who has already made up his mind beforehand that he must keep his child under tight control will start feeling annoyed even by the child's slight outbursts or crying.

This is very similar to telling someone, "Do not move at all," and then when that poor person is simply trying to breathe, even their breathing starts to bother you.

When we hold a grudge against someone—suppose there is a person you completely dislike—even a slight smile from them when they look at you can make you angry. Why? Because you have already harbored negative thoughts toward them.

The exact same thing happens when we try to control our partners, when we lock a rigid mindset into our minds. And when that very partner steps outside our manufactured boundaries or control, we immediately label it as "cheating."

However, in my view, true cheating is something completely different. Real cheating occurs when someone genuinely stops loving you. If someone has told you that they love you, why do you judge them by their tiny actions, assuming they have changed or that they no longer love you?

Even if they do something in their life, but deep down they still love you, you should return that love rather than constantly doubting them. When you look at someone with a narrow perspective, and when the purpose of your relationship is shallow, every little thing will affect you.

Suppose you want your partner to touch only you, to hug only you, and one day your partner directs their attention or affection toward someone else, you get angry, feeling as though you've been betrayed. But the truth is, this betrayal wasn't committed by anyone else—you inflicted it upon yourself by holding onto wrong and narrow expectations.

What if we think the opposite way? Suppose your goal is: "I will listen to them, they will listen to me, and we will respect each other." When you set a grand and mature goal regarding your partner, these small things stop affecting you.

And besides, who wrote the rule that if someone loves someone, they cannot care for or pay attention to anyone else while being with their partner? Love is not something that is confined to just one single person; love is a feeling that can flow toward anyone, though its form differs depending on the relationship.

I remember a day when I was walking back home, and on the way, I saw a dead puppy—perhaps it had been run over by a car and the poor thing had died. Its mother was standing right there, sniffing her dead baby. That scene is etched in my memory to this day, and it awakens the purest form of a mother's love within me.

So, tell me, does this mean I should abandon my own mother just because I witnessed that puppy's mother's love? Or should I start doubting my own mother's affection? Absolutely not!

Love is vast; it cannot be bound by rigid cages or boundaries. When we let go of doubt and control in our relationships and begin to view things from a broader perspective, both life and love become truly beautiful.